A Reflex makes the difference
by TanjaBrennan
Summary: Booth's faked death and the reveal of Zack being the apprentice of Gormogon weighs heavily on Brennan that she admits. But even her strenght has its limits....
1. Chapter 1

**A reflex makes the difference**

_**Chapter 1 **_

Bones stroked gently with her finger over his skin. Her finger paused automatically at the scar. She circled around the spot and laid her head on her left hand. The fact that she was laying half on top of him didn't seem to disturb him.

If someone had said to her that she'd wake up with Booth in her bed one day she would have denied it, declared it as impossible and and she would have had millions of rational reasons on why he didn't belong there. Yet, now he was here.

His breathing was no longer calm and regular as it had been a few minutes ago when she had been sure that he was still asleep. But he neither winced under her touch nor did he show any reaction when she had lain her head on his chest.

She left her hand on the scar, covered it and slid a little bit higher so that she could place her head in the crook of his neck. She looked up to him quickly when he wrapped his arm around her and pressed her against him.

She swallowed and could already feel the tears coming into her eyes. Booth noticed and caressed her arm. She didn't want him to see that she was a nervous wreck, but she couldn't stop a tear from running over her cheek and dripping on his naked skin.

Bones sniffed and brushed the tears from her face.

"Bones..." Booth hugged her and pulled her closer. "It's not your fault."

She swallowed again but this time because she had already started to cry it was hard to stop again. She didn't say anything, but the spreading wetness on his chest showed him that she wasn't okay at all. He began to say something a couple of times, but nothing that would really comfort her came to mind.

Instead he let her cry. She had repressed her feelings too often and had not allowed herself to show any weakness, but there was a border which had been crossed during the last few days.

Booth had expected her to break down one day, but he thought this day would come earlier. Finally, the day of his funeral he saw her lose that stony composure.

Booth calmly stroked her back with one arm and stretched the other one to the box with tissues on the nightstand. He pushed her a little bit down from him and laid himself down so that they could look each other in the face, then carefully dabbed the tears from her face. She closed her eyes, when she opened them again Booth had wrapped one arm around her and his face was so close to hers that their noses almost touched.

They looked each other in the eye. Bone's tears dried slowly and Booth patted her cheek. She closed her eyes again for a second, but became calm gradually.

"Do you regret it?" Booth asked when she had her eyes open.

Bones frowned , surprised. "What?"

Booth took her hand in his and put them in the middle between them. He stroked his thumb over her hand

"I mean this…here." he pointed with his head to the bed on which they both lay.

Bones looked at him astonished for a moment. Then she based herself on her forearms and leaned forward. Booth pulled her closer when their lips touched. It was as if they'd never done anything different and it had not been just a couple of hours since he had tried to convince himself from that Bones was no more than a colleague.

The kiss was enough to remind him of the previous night, but something had changed. Booth reluctantly let go of her when she ended it. Bones leaned her head against his shoulder and her hand found its way to his scar again. He followed her hand with his eyes.

"Zack will receive the help he needs. And we can still visit him from time to time." He started a new approach, to find out what was depressing her.

Bones stopped her circling hand movement. "Why do you think of Zack now?"

Booth closed his arms around her and cleared his throat. "Well, Zack was your assistant. He was a friend. And if you're not crying because of the thing between us…."

"It has nothing to do with Zack." She interrupted but didn't continue speaking.

He caressed her arm again, hoping she would tell him what was wrong.

Meanwhile he began to worry. He had never seen Bones so vulnerable, not even when she had found out that the remains of her mother had been in the limbo of Jeffersonian for years.

But Bones didn't get ready to say something. Instead she kept staring at his chest.

"Bones," he almost whispered.

She pulled herself up so that she was completely lying on top of him and wrapped her arms around him. Booth had expected her to turn away, to distance herself, surprised he returned the hug. He stroked over her hair with his hand and gave her a kiss on the check when he noticed that she relaxed.

"Booth?"

He turned his head to her. She didn't look at him but kept holding on to him.

"Don't you ever do that again." Her voice broke and he saw her blinking to suppress the new tears.

Booth dashed the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.

"What don't you want me to do again?"

She finally looked in his eyes. "Don't ever step in front of me again."

She swallowed again.

"Bones…" He ran his hand from her hairline to her chin.He sighed.

"Bones, if I step in front of someone, if I defend one person, I do it because I want to."

She looked at him but didn't reply.

"The thought of you…it was a reflex, Bones. I didn't even think about it."

She nodded and huddled against him.

He didn't know if she wanted to go on talking about it or if she was simply losing her voice. They stayed in bed like this, Bones on top off Booth, who was relieved to discover her breath becoming calm and regular again…..


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Without interrupting the kiss, Booth carried her to the bedroom, where he carefully laid her on the bed. Before she could miss the warmth of his body he was already over her and started removing her top while she tampered with his jeans. Her glance went over his body when he dropped the jeans onto the floor. She knew that he was strong, but his muscular arms, which had embraced her and carried her to the bedroom, impressed her in more than just a scientific way.

Booth kissed her again. This time more impetuously than before. She pressed her hands against his chest and pushed his shirt upwards. He took the hint and pulled it over his head. Bones was on top of him before he could recapture his last position. He tucked both of them in and pulled her closer. His hands felt their way downwards, opened her pants, and pushed them bit by bit downwards. Bones kept kissing his chest and his breathing became faster when her hand glided lower. He let her pants fall to the floor. His hands wandered over her skin and he gently kissed her on the lips before covering her neck with kisses.

She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him closer, sighing when he finally shifted bra straps from her shoulders. Booth kissed her challengingly and the closure of her bra opened the moment their tongues met. He carelessly threw the bra to the other clothes.

Bones glided with her hands along the side of his body but didn't stop at the waistband of his shorts. Booth grinned at her when their lips separated for a moment. But the separation did not continue for long.

They both began getting the last barriers out of the way. He ran his hands over her legs up to her panties. He kissed her belly, pulled the panties down at the same time and moved lower with his lips.

Bones groaned under his touch. This was exactly what she needed. She wanted to forget everything that happened in the last weeks, the truth about Zack. In that moment, when they entirely connected, all she was thinking of was Booth.

Bones jumped. She looked around to see if someone might have seen her dozing off. When she could see nobody she ran her fingers through her hair and moved the mouse to turn off the screensaver. She had never had problems concentrating at work, but the memory of last night kept pushed its way to her mind and already haunted her in her dreams.

The last opened file appeared on the screen, a website in the background. But the website about 'Sex with your best friend' didn't catch her attention. It was the report. Zack's report. No matter what he had done, how he had lost his position at the Jeffersonian, she still owed him this. He was going to get the best report she had ever written for an assistant. Although Zack had already graduated, she wanted him to have an ace up his sleeve, and to make sure that the work he had done would be adequately acknowledged.

Bones had fallen asleep in the middle of the sentence. As much as she cared about Zack, one thought kept circling through her head.

"Booth!"

Booth fanned air in his face with a file before letting himself drop into the chair in front of her.

"Everything alright?" he asked, amused when he noticed the red imprint on her face.

Bones hurriedly closed the windows on her screen and cleared her throat.

"Yes, I'm okay. Why? Is something wrong?"

He pointed with his finger to her face.

"Bones, you've got…" he put the file away. " an imprint. Keyboard, maybe?"

She felt her face.

"Oh no…"

Booth grinned impishly.

"Well, it's already fading a little." He stood up and leaned down over the table to whisper in her ear.

"Too tired?"

She looked into his eyes. "Too tired for what?"

He smiled and slid a strand of hair away from her face before sitting down again.

"For a repetition."

Bones smiled and looked at him provocatively.

" A repetition of what exactly?" Both froze upon hearing Cam's voice.

Bones opened her mouth, trying to think of something. Booth was flustered.

"Oh…eh…we…we wanted to go bowling," he stammered.

Bones quickly nodded. A little too quickly to convince Cam.

"Yeah, we wanted to push a few bowls."

"Play, Bones… you play bowls…" he corrected her.

Cam stood in the middle of the office and looked from one to the other. It was not until now that Bones noticed the papers in her hand.

"Okay, let's just skip that before you seem even weirder to me. I received an email this morning. You might want to take a look," she said, handing the prints to Bones. Bones' face froze when she read the text.

"Can I rely on you to take care of this?" Cam asked a little softer.

Bones nodded. "Yes…I" she unconsciously touched her forehead, "..will take care of this."

"Okay." Cam pressed her lips together, nodded, and left the office. Booth stared at Bones questioningly.

Bones let the papers sink on the table and supported her head with her hands.

"Zack's parents want us to send them his personal things from the lab."

Booth took a deep breath.

"Bones, I'm sorry."

She raised her glance and their eyes met.

"I know."

"Booth and you did _what_?" Angela had a look on her face Bones had never seen. It was a mixture of surprise, indignation, and delight.

Bones stood up and began to walk from one side of the room to the other.

"I can't even tell you how it happened." She sighed. "I…it…" she gestured insecure with her hands.

Angela leaned back in her armchair and grinned at Bones. "And? How was it?"

A smile appeared on Bones' face. She crossed her arms and sat down on the couch again.

"That good hmm?"

Bones nodded and both smirked. Angela shook her head.

"Oh Sweety, it was time."

The smile on Bones' face faded slowly.

"I just don't know if…" she breathed out audibly again.

"How it will go on?"

She nodded.

"Last night was just…" she ran her hand over her forehead. "Booth and I, we…everything about Zack, the faked death, it was too much."

Angela looked at Bones sympathetically.

"You're not sure if it would have happened when…"

"The circumstances had been different," Bones ended the sentence.

Angela leaned over to her.

"Honey, don't you think the premises were set up already for long time? You two only needed a trigger, like the thought of almost having lost him, to get to that point."

Bones averted her gaze.

"I'm not sure if this will change everything between us."

Angela smiled at her encouragingly.

"Changes don't have to be something bad, do they?"

Bones met her gaze again with a smile on her face again.


	3. Chapter 3

"_Changes don't have to be something bad." _ This sentence resounded in her head, again and again.

But the previous changes in her life had rarely meant something good. The disappearance of her parents, moving from one foster family to the other . . . she had lost so many important people in her life.

For years Bones had avoided allowing someone into her heart. She was too afraid of being disappointed again. And although she could understand what brought Zach to do what he had done, it still hurt.

She swallowed as she put the books Zach had wanted to borrow from her in the box with his personal stuff. There weren't many things in it. Small presents from Angela, Hodgins, Cam, and Booth. And her letter with which she had welcomed Zach in her team.

Bones remembered the day she had made this decision. There were several candidates and none of those she had interviewed had really impressed her. Either they were simply ignorant, more interested in her than in the remains, or arrogant. Except Zach.

He was the only one she hadn't invited to a job interview. His application showed a young, still insecure man who had to be above-average intelligent. Bones liked him, but didn't want to expect too much of him. She knew how brutal this kind of job could be.

After weeks of searching she had decided to give Zach a chance after all. But not with an interview or test.

It had been a quiet day when she wrote that letter to him. Angela and she had dined out and the only cases they had to work on were remains from the limbo.

Only a few written items had ever shown her feelings. But in this letter she revealed something she never told anyone. The Jeffersonian wasn't only her work place. It was her home. Her family. And this is exactly how it became for Zach as well.

Bones removed a tear from the corner of her eye when she closed the box. She had planned to bring it to Zach personally, but when she had called the clinic Zach was in, she was told that he wasn't allowed any visits at the time.

She had no other choice than delivering it to reception. Booth had agreed on driving there with her that evening.

At the thought of him she got goose bumps. She knew Angela had always supported the idea of something between her and Booth. But this rapid development scared her a little. So far, every one of her relationships that had moved forward so fast had also ended that quickly. But with Booth it was somehow…more intense.

She took the box in her arms and stepped out of the bureau. Hodgins was standing in the gallery. And despite Angela standing next to him and talking to him, he seemed lonely.

Zach hadn't been the joker around here, but he was still missed.

Bones sighed and went down the stairs. She nodded towards Angela and Hodgins before going to the underground park lot.

Booth deleted the last sentence he had written. He could make as much of an effort as he wanted. Today he didn't bring out anything useful. He still had to finish the closing report on the Gormogon case, but the only thing he had put to paper had been a superficial summary of the arresting of Gormogon. All details about Zach's role in this case were still missing.

It didn't benefit anything. As soon as he thought of Zach his thoughts kept wandering to Bones. Bones, who took this so much harder on herself than anything else.

Booth pushed the keyboard away, annoyed. The cursor blinked on the screen. He rested his head on his hands and stared at it. Then his glance fell on something next to the screen.

It was a photo of Parker. And directly next to it was another photo of Bones and him at a gala.

The Jeffersonian had held this event, but Booth didn't remember what the occasion had been. What he did know was that in reality Bones had looked even more breathtaking than in this picture.

He took a look at his watch. It was half an hour before he was supposed to meet her. A smile appeared on his face when he thought about seeing her again, even though their plan for the evening wasn't quite so pleasant.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Mick asked. He leaned casually against the door frame and looked at Booth, reevaluating.

Booth crossed his arms behind his head. "Nothing. The usual."

"Nothing hmm? You don't even believe that yourself. You're writing reports and grin all the time? Spit it out, who was she?" Mick kept on.

Booth had to laugh and shook his head.

"Nobody you would know."

Now Mick totally caught fire.

"Ah, so there is someone! Come on. Blonde? Brown?"

Booth smiled. "Mhm…", he acted as if he had to think about it, "I think it was brown hair."

"You think? Oh my god, that beer must have been good."

Booth shook his head again. "Seriously Mick, there was no alcohol."

Mick pulled the chair in front of the desk closer and quickly sat down.

"No alcohol? Wow, this girl really liked you?"

Booth screwed up his eyes and nodded.

"I think so."

Mick sighed. "Boy, you think a lot. Are you going to see her again?"

Booth looked at his watch. "Yes, in exactly 25 minutes."

Mick raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Well, take care you don't burn your fingers in the end."

With these words he got up and left the office. Booth took a pencil in his hand and played nervously with it. Although he knew Mick liked to tease him, he wasn't sure if there wasn't a little piece of truth in his last sentence.

Bones went determinedly to her car. When she went to unlock it she could hear the SUV driving through the parking lot. Booth stopped next to her and rolled the window down.

"Hi, beautiful lady. Can I give you a ride?"

Bones gave him an appraising look.

"Mhm…I don't know."

Booth raised an eyebrow. "You don't know? Now I'm really hurt." He made an offended face. Bones started to laugh and shook her head. "Sometimes you're unbelievable."

She went around the car and got in. She put the box of Zach's stuff on the back seat. Booth's glance wandered from the box to her.

"Got everything?"

Bones nodded to him.

"Okay." He drove out of the parking lot. When they had reached the highway he reached for Bones' hand. Booth caught her fingers in his and laid their hands on her thigh. He shortly looked over to her and smiled to cheer her up. But with each mile they came closer to the clinic Bones seemed to get sadder.

The plants in the foyer of the clinic couldn't disguise the sterile impression. The smell of medicine couldn't be ignored and a door of glass behind reception separated the hall with the patients' rooms from the entrance area.

A small fountain bubbled next to the reception desk and should probably have given the room the flair of a hotel instead of a psychiatric clinic.

Bones went straight to the employee behind the desk.

"Good evening, we're here to bring Zach Addys personal things."

The man nodded. "Your name please?"

"Brennan."

Booth looked at her with surprise. This was the first time she didn't mention her doctorate when she introduced herself. The employee rubbed a hand over his three-day beard while going through the visitors list. Then he crossed out her name.

"Alright. You know, Dr. Addy is not allowed to see someone who doesn't belong to the family."

She nodded. "Yes, but I thought when we're here…"

"No." The employee held up his hand and shook his head. "I'm sorry, but that's not possible."

The disappointment was written in her face. Booth had the box with Zach's things in his hands. The man pointed to the box.

"You can give me that."

Booth pushed the box over the counter.

"Okay. Bones?"

He turned around and waited for Bones to leave. She reluctantly turned around. While walking out again she leaned against him and took his hand. Surprised by the suddenly approach he stiffed for a second. Then he held her hand as well. After they had passed the door and were outside again he gave her a brief kiss on the cheek.

_**Note: **__Could you please write feedback and not "only" add me to your favorite authors list? Getting a reaction tells me so much more about whether my writing is good or bad. _


	4. Chapter 4

Bones was lying sideways on the couch, her head resting on Booth's lap, a blanked wrapped around her. Booth's arm encircled her and his hand rested on her stomach. The lamp in the living room was dimmed, only the TV illuminated the room. A hockey game flickered on the screen, but despite his usual passion for this sport Booth didn't pay much attention to what was going on.

Bones had already been tired on the drive back home. But when they had arrived at her place, she had seemed so depressed that he didn't want to leave her alone. Booth had accompanied her to her apartment with the intention to only stay for coffee and to talk to her a little. Maybe even kiss her. But he didn't want to go too far when she felt so bad.

After Bones had made the coffee she didn't sit down opposite of him as Booth had expected but next to him and leaned against his shoulder. Booth froze for a second before he placed his arm around her.

A few minutes had passed like this before they went into the living room. The time to just sit there and think about what had happened was over, Booth decided. He switched on the TV, and tapped on the free seat next to him until Bones let herself drop onto the couch. First he flipped through the programs, looking for something that would take both their minds off of things, and maybe even make them feel a little bit better. But already after a couple of minutes they had more than enough of the comedian. Booth was astonished when Bones said "stop" when they found the sport program. That she would watch a hockey game with him was the last thing he'd expected this evening. The expression in his face seemed to give this away.

"What?" Bones asked irritated.

Booth shook his head in disbelief. "Nothing. I didn't think you would…"

"…be interested in sports?" She smiled at him. He wished he could stop time. This was the first time today Bones had smiled all day.

She turned her head to the screen. "Well, one of the players, this number 9, he broke his arm a few months ago. You can see how his arm performs evasive movements when he…" she became silent when she noticed Booth staring at her.

"What?"

Booth grinned. "Mhm…I thought there was nothing left about you that could surprise me, but you proved me wrong."

Bones smiled at him again. "You thought I would never watch sports?"

He laid his arm on the backrest behind her.

"Let's say there are different ways of watching it. You see the motor skills, I concentrate more on the tactic, the game.

She seemed to think about what Booth had said.

"Seems we're a good team."

Booth frowned. "We? A team? Because we watch a sport together?"

Bones drank some water and then put the glass back on the table.

"We complement each other. And not only when it's about hockey." She glanced teasingly at him.

Booth nodded slightly. "Certainly."

She leaned back and Booth slowly moved his arm down the backrest to her shoulder. The hockey game wasn't really that thrilling and he noticed soon that she closed her eyes again and again.

"I can go if you want to sleep" he offered several times.

But each time Bones glanced up and shook her head. "No, stay."

She leaned closer and closer to him. When her eyes got heavy the next time, Booth didn't ask if he should go. He simply let her sink slowly to the side and put a pillow under her head, which rested in his lap.

An hour later he turned off the TV at last. Booth didn't even knew who had won. Carefully he lifted Bones' had so that he could get up. He moaned quietly when he stood right up and tried to restore the blood flow in his fallen asleep legs again.

Booth wrapped her tighter in the blanket, then slid his hands under her to pull her into his arms. She moved slightly when he lifted her up and carried her into her bedroom.

A quiet sigh escaped from her lips when he laid her on the bed and switched the blanket from the couch with the one from the bed. Booth stroke her hair and kissed her cheek before he got up and started to leave. But Bones changed his plans.

Still half sleeping she stretched her hand out to him. He took it instinctively. Booth sat down on the bed and caressed the back of her hand. His plan was to wait until she had fallen asleep completely again and then leave. But instead of falling back to sleep, she slowly opened her eyes.

"Booth?"

"Yes?" he leaned forward a little.

"Would you also do this if the last weeks had never happened? If nobody had tried to shoot me?"

He laid down next to her and supported his elbow on the bed. His hand rested on her arm as he moved closer.

"Why do you want to know that?"

Instead of an answer she avoided his glance and stared into space.

"You meant it had been a reflex. You had stepped in front of me instinctively. Just like this, without thinking about it. Why should you…?"

Booth breathed out loud and cleared his throat.

"I mean at that point we were partners, but not any more. We . . . there was no reason why you should sacrifice yourself for me. It wasn't your right to…" her voice broke.

"Hey" Booth wrapped his arms tighter around her. "Stop." He forced her to look in his eyes.

"Only because we didn't physically…you know, that doesn't mean I didn't want to protect you before. Bones, when you dated Sully last year, I wanted to kick his ass each time he kissed you."

She frowned.

"Booth, are you saying you…?"

"That I love you? That I felt like killing every man who came to close to you because I was jealous? That I have wished for more than a year now that I was the only one you spend your free time with and not merely the friend you tell about your romantic life?" He was talking so fast that he had no time to think about what he was saying.

Bones looked at him surprised, but with a spreading smile on her face.

"God, Bones…this moment when she shot at you…it shook me up. When I had to vanish after that I had more than enough time to think about what's most important to me. More important than anything."

He caressed her cheek.

"The entire time you and Sully were together I was pissed and didn't really know why." He cocked his head. "No, actually I knew. I just didn't want to admit it."

She swallowed and breathed out tremulously.

Booth continued with a quiet voice, barely more than a whisper.

"If you need me because you're sad, no matter if it's about Zack or anything else, I'm there. But if you're not ready for more than that please tell me."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. He hesitated for a second, and then he responded the impetuous kiss. It was not before their lips separated again that Bones realized the meaning of what had just happened.

He snuggled up to her.

"Is that your answer?"

Bones smiled at him. "Yes. Although it was more like a reflex."

Both looked at each other. Booth grinned.

"A reflex? Mhm…how can I trigger this reflex?"

He leaned forward and kissed her again. More gently this time. When they ended the kiss he slid a strand of hair from her face. He could see how the last few days had emotionally drained her. Booth pulled the blanked over both of them and she placed her head on his chest. She smiled as she heard his fast heartbeat. He straightened the pillow before taking her in his arms again. Bones relaxed more and more and felt the tiredness roll over her.

"Who would have thought that a reflex makes the difference," she murmured before finally drifting off to sleep.


End file.
